Nice weekend October 30, 2005
Posted by krislynch in Uncategorized.Tags: Discovery Channel, Halloween
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It’s been a nice weekend so far. Friday I left work for the day at lunchtime. I mailed out a package and then went shopping for Halloween stuff. I found some cool stuff to take to the party Saturday night. I took a nap later since I had been up so early and wanted to go out that night. Good thing I did because I ended up being out very late. My regular watering hole had a Halloween party, so I sat at the bar with some friends and played NTN trivia and watched all the people dressed up. A friend kissed me one night several weeks ago, but then stopped showing up. I didn’t know why but figured he was embarrassed or regretted it. He was there Friday night and apologized for having disappeared. He had to work in Pittburgh for a few weeks and then decided to move there so he hadn’t been in town this whole time. We hung out really late and he wanted me to stay over, but I didn’t…and I’m glad I didn’t. It would have been really awkward and a bad idea for several reasons.
Saturday I was really worn out so I didn’t do much all day. I just watched a lot of Discovery Channel and puttered around the house. I went to the Halloween party later and had a really nice time. I’ve been going to this party for a few years and it’s always something we all look forward to for months. My feet were killing me when I got home after having been on them for 7 hours straight, and that extra hour of sleep was much appreciated!
Today I’m having lunch with my mom, then going to my office for a while before going out for the evening. I’m taking tomorrow off and hopefully that will be cleaning and laundry day!
Finally getting stuff off my plate October 27, 2005
Posted by krislynch in Uncategorized.Tags: Halloween, long weekend, party, work
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I’ve been up since before 4am and I’ve blown through so much work already I feel like a machine. I also have a couple of completed projects I might finally be able to get off my plate, so that feels really good.
What’s even BETTER is that I’m taking the afternoon off Friday and then enjoying a 3-day weekend. I have a healthy mix of fun stuff to do and downtime to enjoy. There are two Halloween parties I plan to attend, so I’m really looking forward to the weekend.
Obviously my mood is much better today than it has been lately. Sometimes I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels, but over the past day or so I’ve felt like I’m finally getting some things accomplished. Let’s hope this lasts for a while.
Feeling blue today October 25, 2005
Posted by krislynch in Uncategorized.Tags: Mental health, sadness
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I’m feeling blue today…again. I experience bouts once in a while and can’t seem to pull myself out of it. No one really has any idea how bad I feel – and how often. I’m trying to get in to see this therapist who was recommended to me (and accepts my insurance) but I’m on a waiting list. I was told it wouldn’t be long but that was at least a month ago. I hope I don’t have to wait much longer because I’m already feeling isolated and it’s just bound to get worse once winter and the holidays arrive.
Someone recently told me I’m my own worst enemy and I have low self-esteem. OK, so I probably AM my own worst enemy but I didn’t used to be like that at all so I’m sure I can pull myself out of that behavior. As for low self-esteem, I don’t really agree with that because I actually think pretty highly of myself – I just don’t understand why others don’t seem to value me. I feel that I am good to the people I care about and I’m willing to invest my time in them, but I seldom feel it’s reciprocated. I usually feel that my friendships are much more important to me than to my friends. It sucks and it’s sad and I don’t understand why this is such a pattern in my life.
Wow, I was upset about this Friday and it’s obviously still looming over me.
I’m feeling cranky today October 21, 2005
Posted by krislynch in Uncategorized.Tags: Emotional Health and Wellbeing, Friendship, Relationships
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Today’s going to be a long day – and not just because I’ve been up since 3:30am with about 4-5 hours of sleep. I am working on two frustrating projects today and I suspect I won’t feel that I was very productive by the end of day.
Something to consider…if someone you considered a friend said ’sometimes I wish I could be as good a friend to you as you are to me’ how would you feel?
I asked my sister – without telling her who this friend was – and her response was probably dead on correct. She said ‘they aren’t capable of living up to you’.
I suppose if I were smart I wouldn’t consider them as anything more than a very casual friend – just someone cool to hang out with occasionally but not someone likely to reciprocate friendship the way I would. I’m honestly trying not to read too much into it, but this friend has made this comment before and now I have to wonder if I invest more in this person than I should. My sister says it’s just the way I am (and most people aren’t) and I probably couldn’t invest less if I tried. It’s pretty lousy when I come to this realization because I feel stupid. If I were smart I’d learn to do less and expect nothing from people. It seems I always just end up feeling disappointed in people – and wonder why I mean so little to people who mean a great deal to me.
Well, I didn’t win Powerball October 20, 2005
Posted by krislynch in Uncategorized.Tags: Powerball, work
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Wednesdays and Thursdays I need to go to sleep early because I need to be up by 3:30am the following mornings. I can get enough sleep if I go to bed early, and I’m usually tired enough to fall asleep. Unfortunately, often I just can’t get my mind to cooperate so I’m up all night mulling over problems.
Last night I couldn’t sleep so I got back up and thought I’d do a little work. I turned on the TV just in time to hear a discussion about Powerball and remembered that I had bought tickets. The odds are something like 1 in 146 million so it was pretty unlikely I won, but I couldn’t sleep so my mind started wandering about what I’d do with that kind of money. I wondered too if it would make my life any better or simpler or just make things worse. I’m hardly obsessed with money but when you don’t have any, you can’t help but think it would solve a lot of problems.
Needless to say, that gave me a lot to think about, so I’ve had barely any sleep – and a long day ahead of me.
